My Five #282

It’s an unseasonably warm Friday, and it’s also time for yet another My Five. If you enjoy mildly amusing Twitter parody accounts and want tips on how to be a billionaire, boy howdy, is this the post for you.

You are reading: My Five #282

Five things worth sharing from the last week or so, brought to you by a different member of the Browser Media team every Friday.

This week’s My Five is by Vic.

1. Pub chain gets antisocial

Cheapo pub chain Wetherspoons has decided to call it a day with social media.

The announcement was made on the company’s’ main Twitter account earlier this week. The account has since been deleted, along with the Twitter, Facebook and Instagram accounts of all its pubs.

According to the big boss man, Tim Martin, social media has too many links to bad stuff, like trolling MPs. He also stated that the decision was swayed by concerns regarding the “misuse of personal data” and “the addictive nature of social media”.

How this will affect the brand is completely unknown, but individual pubs may struggle to get the news out about new beers, new food, and events without any presence across social media.

Thankfully, Tim confirmed that you can still get the latest updates from the magazine (wow), or by asking a not-too-busy-to-answer-stupid-questions-while-serving-a-three-deep-bar-on-a-Friday-night pub manager what’s going on.

2. Tips from the top

Want to be as rich and successful as tech entrepreneurs Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, or Mark Zuckerberg?

Well, forget using those brain cells to come up with a great product that millions of people use. Instead, simply follow these top tips:

  • Start walking out of meetings
  • Begin excluding certain colleagues from meetings because you haven’t bought enough pizza
  • Be able to decide if you want to have a chat, or get things done

3. Need to be able to blend in with the locals if you’re deported to a country you’ve never lived in?

More top tips – this time in the form of a leaflet. The document, which was *allegedly* intended for people who were returning to Jamaica after being deported or coming to the UK illegally, was brought to light this week amid the Windrush generation fiasco, which has seen many lives horribly disrupted.

The leaflet provides advice on how to blend in with the locals if you’re deported – and it’s so easy! Simply ‘Try to be ‘Jamaican’ – use local accents and dialects’. That’s right. Speak fluent Patois the second you arrive in a country that you may never have stepped foot in before and you’ll soon forget about the life you spent decades building in the UK.

Source: The actual UK Government

If you’re wondering how to perfect your Jamaican accent, fear not. Here’s Jesy from Little Mix showing us how it should be done.

4. No point crying over spilt milk (especially when the milk is non-existent)

Following the Wetherspoons ‘we’re ditching social media’ announcement, the British Milk Council also decided to shut down all of its social media accounts, leading to a disgruntled employee taking to Twitter with a tirade of abuse. Many speculated it was a marketing stunt.

Except it wasn’t, because the British Milk Council is a parody account. And loads of people got duped.

5. Won’t somebody think of the children?

If you have a Facebook account, or use apps that allow ads, chances are you’ve seen ads for pop up at some point, offering super cheap, low-quality guff that you have no intention of ever purchasing.

An example of this was when an ad for a penis extender you can purchase from Wish for just £21 showed up in a mobile game with a PEGI 3 rating, which means it’s suitable for children aged 3 and up. Complaints were made to the Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) but Wish don’t give a hoot about the kiddies, and as yet, haven’t even bothered to respond.

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