My Five #410

We’re getting a wee bit saucy in this week’s My Five, which features the censorship of women’s bodies, craving the warmth of human flesh, and an unfortunate Zoom incident.

You are reading: My Five #410

Five things worth sharing from the last week or so, brought to you by a different member of the Browser Media team every Friday.

This week’s My Five is by Vic.

1. Instagram makes a tit of itself

So, as you know, women’s nipples are considered to be too rude for the likes of Instagram and Facebook. Men’s nipples; fine. Sideboob; also fine… Or is it?

Instagram had to apologise this week after being accused of algorithm bias when Celeste Barber, an Aussie known on the platform for recreating celebrity photos, had her post removed under the grounds of inappropriate content… while the original post she had parodied, remained.

This led several Instagram users, as well as Celeste, to accuse the platform of body shaming. Instagram responded, stating to Insider that: ‘the platform is updating its photo policies to make sure all body types are treated fairly’.

Personally, I have literally no idea what makes a naked lady boob automatically rude or sexy to begin with, but I’m guessing it’s those ‘won’t somebody please think of the children!’ type-people who are ruining the act of appreciating the human body – and all the wonderful shapes and sizes they come in – for all of us.

2. LinkedIn just got worse

If, like me, you are sick to death of your LinkedIn feed being dominated by ‘broetry’ style posts, humblebrags (I loaned my supercar to a homeless man), and straight-up lies (a candidate turned up covered in vomit still drunk from the night before and I gave them a job), boy howdy, are you in for a treat! Because now, with the introduction of Stories on LinkedIn, all of these annoying idiots can now share videos of themselves being annoying idiots.

Don’t get me wrong, for some brands, and certainly for individuals who want to expand their profile by actually sharing something of value, it’s going to be a great feature. But I fear it’s going to be used mostly by those who want to show off their morning routine of getting up at 4am to meditate before a hot yoga session and a blast on their £2,000 Peloton bike, just so their followers can tell them how inspired they are. Ugh.

3. Monzo makes a mondo marketing fail?

With the UK economy as it is, the decision for a bank who has already been in a spot of financial bother to launch a £180 a year premium account might sound like a bit of a mad idea.

But that didn’t stop Monzo from doing it anyway. Monzo Premium accounts include travel and phone insurance, £600 of fee-free withdrawals abroad each month, a flashy looking white steel card, and 1.5% interest on deposits up to £2,000.

If you’re someone who breaks phones or parts of your body while on holiday a fair bit, it’s actually pretty good value. And if you do earn a fair whack, 1.5% interest on deposits is insanely high compared with other banks.

Early users seem to agree it’s worth the monthly fee. Or the ones they have probably paid to say it’s brilliant on social media, at least.

4. Getting jiggy with it

One of the main rules in the early days of COVID-19 was DON’T TOUCH PEOPLE unless you live with them. Then, we got a bit more leeway, and you could make a social bubble and touch those people. Then, after a while, you could see and sort of touch, (but you’re not really meant to) up to six people from different households. I think something else happened after that but I’d given up on listening to the government by then if I’m honest.

During the mega lockdown period (which to be fair, we are probably going to back in again soon) sales of Durex flopped (ha). But from June, when restrictions started to be lifted in the UK, everyone craved the warmth of human flesh and sales went through the roof. Boing!

The brand has also shared lots of great content on social media during the pandemic encouraging people to stay safe, including offering quarantine dating tips.

5. Unable to contain the excitement of yet another Zoom meeting

Seeing as this has somehow managed to be a rather sexy My Five, instead of my usual thinly veiled lefty rants and suicide jokes, I’m rounding off the post with more of the same.

You’re probably sick of online meetings. Seems they’ve not only replaced in-person catch-ups, but also phone calls and text messages too. Someone clearly not suffering from Zoom fatigue was New Yorker author and CNN media legal analyst, Jeffery Toobin, who got, shall we say, a tad over-excited while on a work call. This week, he was suspended while he is being investigated after it was revealed that he may have been having a sneaky five-knuckle shuffle during a call with his co-workers.

While he’s certainly not the first person to do something ridiculous on a video call since working from home became commonplace, most of those going viral for Zoom mishaps, while embarrassing, have managed not to expose, or fiddle with their bits in the process.

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