If more than five of the below sound familiar, there’s a good chance you might’ve accidentally SEO-optimised your entire personality…
You’ve had the “SEO isn’t magic” conversation more times than you can count
No, we can’t guarantee position one by next week. Yes, it takes time. No, buying 5,000 backlinks from Fiverr is not “basically the same thing“. No, you can’t just stuff in even more keywords. Your eye is already twitching.
You can no longer just appreciate a piece of content without critiquing its optimisation
Whether it’s a blog post, thought leadership, or a new piece of interesting research, you can’t help but rip its SEO credentials to shreds. Why is it lacking internal links? What keywords are they trying to target? That’s a strange choice for the URL…
You’ve had to professionally word an “I told you so” email after a client ignored your advice
You recommended they fix their site speed, but they disregarded your advice. You told them mobile optimisation was a priority, but they chalked it up as optional. You’ve been providing regular blog content, but they just haven’t been uploading it. Now they’re wondering why traffic dropped 60% and you’re drafting a very professional email while internally screaming.
You can’t help but analyse rankings that have nothing to do with you or your clients
You’ve Googled something random like “how to remove candle wax from a carpet” and immediately started analysing who’s ranking and why. “That’s a great meta description, but this site has some strong backlinks”…
You judge businesses by their Google Business Profile more than their actual service
Sure, their reviews are good, but the company never actually responds, they haven’t updated their opening hours in a very long time, and their photos are from 2017. Do they even want customers? The process of booking a restaurant changed one day and has never been the same since.
You’ve had a full-blown existential crisis because of a mysterious traffic drop
“Did I do something wrong? Is it me? Is it Google?!” We’ve all been there, and it doesn’t seem to get easier with time!
You’ve bookmarked your clients’ competitors’ websites and check them more than your own social media
Let’s not call it ‘stalking’, let’s call it ‘competitive analysis’. And yes, you did notice they published three blog posts last week while your client published none. Yes, you will be mentioning this during your next meeting.
You have a Pavlovian response to the phrase “it’s just a quick website change”
Nothing is ever quick. That “simple” homepage update will break the schema markup, affect internal linking, and break all of the conversion tracking. You’ve seen it happen. The eye twitch returns. It never really left.
You’ve audibly celebrated a ranking change while in the presence of a non-SEO
You’ve genuinely shouted “YES!” at your laptop over a position 4 to position 3 ranking jump. Your partner thinks you’ve won the lottery, but you’ve actually just moved up one spot for a search query you’ve been grafting on for months. It’s basically the same thing, right?
You’ve got at least five Chrome extensions running at all times
Between Google Lighthouse, your favourite keyword research tool, and an email finder (or three!), your Chrome toolbar is crowded, but it does the job! You’d struggle to navigate Google without them.
Google giveth, and Google taketh away. But we wouldn’t have it any other way, right?