I’ve lost count of the number of times I scroll down my Facebook feed and think “I absolutely could not care less about anything you have to say.”
Here are a few signs that should make you consider mercilessly cleansing your list of Facebook friends.
1 – It’s someone’s birthday and you have no interest in saying “happy birthday”.
2 – A Facebook friend passes you in the street without acknowledging you.
3 – You don’t want to see pictures of ultrasounds or hear about how amazing someone’s children are.
4 – Someone’s last ten statuses have been hacks.
5 – Obsessive use of hashtags.
6 – “If this post gets 10,000 likes a doctor will give this baby a new lung.”
7 – Instagram pictures of every meal of the day.
8 – Vacuous ‘philosophical’ statements and inspirational quotes.
9 – More than 50% of the photos someone posts are of themselves.
10 – Someone posts more than 5 times a day. No one is more interesting than that. More than twice a day is walking on thin ice.
11 – Hundreds of photos of holidays. Okay, you’re tanning your legs. We get it.
12 – Business promotions. And I’m not just talking about sponsored ads. “Like my client’s website!” “My new product launches tomorrow!” Get out of here.
13 – Sales. Facebook isn’t eBay, stop trying to fork your junk off on me.
14 – You don’t actually know half the people on your news feed.
15 – The phrase “FML.”
16 – Mention of popular boy band “One Direction”.
17 – Check-ins. Full stop. Worst of all, check-ins at “my sofa”, “my bed” or at the airport reminding everyone you’re going on holiday.
18 – You find yourself drowning in Candy Crush invitations.
19 – Obnoxious statuses about how much somebody loves their other half. Nobody cares about your happiness.
20 – Selfies. Worse: gym selfies. Punishable by death: overly hashtagged selfies.
21 – Your friend lists their BFFs as family members.
22 – Your friend’s religion is Jedi.
23 – Your friends were educated at the University of Life.
24 – Weather forecasts. Thanks for telling me what’s happening outside my window.
25 – Song lyrics for statuses.
26 – Ambiguous, negative statuses.
27 – Passive-aggressive statuses.
28 – You are friends with the same person multiple times because they keep creating new accounts.
29 – A running commentary of somebody’s day-to-day business.
30 – Invites to like someone’s friend’s cousin’s new wave indie band.
31 – “I hate the new Facebook layout!”
32 – Student jargon from 26-year-olds. You can’t be a Bantersaurus Rex all your life.
33 – Linking Twitter to Facebook. If I want to read your Tweets I’ll get myself a Twitter account.
34 – “Just bought a new car!” – 53 new photos.
35 – “TGI Friday!”
36 – 1500-word statuses.
37 – Incessant changing of profile pictures.
38 – “I’m having a really great time / weekend / party with all my awesome friends / family / children!” Get off Facebook then, you muppet.
39 – The use of bizarre and unintelligible acronyms. HAGWE is not acceptable shorthand.
40 – Somebody dragging their wedding out over two years. Talk about milking it.
41 – Your friends sit on Facebook on Christmas Day.
42 – You find yourself making a list of reasons why you should delete your Facebook friends.
If any of these seem familiar then maybe it’s time to consider resculpting your friends list. Or, you know, you could just hit that big old lovely “deactivate” button.
